“Employees Must Wash Hands” Sign. Not Ultimate.

Why do restaurant toilets always display this sign? What kind of filthy employees work there that the owners have to remind them to wash their hands after taking a piss? Rather than reassure me, that sign just makes me want to get the hell out of there and stay away from these unhygienic animals. If they don’t even wash their hands without reminders, they certainly dont brush after lunch. Not ultimate at all.

Luckily, the US Government has a step-by-step guide to washing hands in case your employees are filthy AND stupid.

 

Coca Cola. Ultimate.

Ultimate people drink Coke. Your friend making a big fuss about your choice of restaurant not serving Coke Zero? Not Ultimate. WTF is Coke Zero anyway? And diet Coke? Drink a herbal tea or something instead. For the real man, there’s only one option: full-fat Coke. That’s ultimate.