Totally Ultimate – The Blog About All Things Ultimate

Being Ultimate is Not Easy. We Help You Figure that Shit Out

Archive for the ‘work’ Category

Exam time Procrastination. Not Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 30, 2008

Every single person I know that has had to study for anything has fallen victim to the evil lord procrastinator.  This is painfully not ultimate.  When he has you in his grasp you are neither filling your head with potentially useful information nor allowing yourself to take a break.  It is most common that you will find some completely inane task that allows your body to feel like it is doing something while your mind stays half way across the milky way.  Allowing this to continue can turn you into a fish.  PUT YOUR REVISION TO ONE SIDE FOR A MOMENT.  GO TAKE A WELL EARNED BREAK.  SEE YOUR MATES.  PLAY SPORT.  GO FOR A WALK

 

Some classic examples of procrastination are:

1)  Typing “ANS * 2” into your calculator to see how long it takes to get an error by constantly pressing =

2)  Playing internet games like “diner dash” and “feeding frenzy”

3)  Going on multiple cigarette and tea breaks

4)  Making a revision helmet out of a cereal box and some masking tape

5)  Making an “Evil Lord Procrastinator” helmet to go and have that ultimate superhero-villain battle to the death with your housemate who is revising hard wearing their “Captain Reviso” revision helmet

… 

I’m sure our readers can think of some more good ones to add, probably while they should be revising.

Advertisements

Posted in Experimentation, Lifestyle, work | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Over-use of management and corporate jargon. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

Most of us reading this entry have, at one point of another, used buzz-words like “action items”, “best practices”, “fire drill”, “hot fix”, and “potential show stopper” at work. Such terminology is a normal part of the corporate culture and its absolutely fine if used occasionally and in small doses. However it’s the over-use of this jargon which can get pretty annoying and is definitely not ultimate.

I got exposed to this during my first week of work when a colleague who was working on a presentation told me that “we would like to leverage you as an audience” and I was like “so, what you’re saying is that you just want me to listen to your presentation?” Why use so many complicated words to say such a simple thing? Leverage me as an audience?

Michael Flocker gave a great example in his book “Death by Powerpoint”. It goes: “I’ll circle back with you on that after I speak with my colleague who has been very proactive regarding deliverables related to that initiative.” Translation: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Posted in work | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Having no work-life balance. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

So, it has taken me this long to start contributing to this ultimate site and that’s because work has been absolutely crazy this past week. But, I have nobody else to blame, but myself. No matter how crazy situations get, there should always be time for things that chill you down. Having no work-life balance is definitely not ultimate. It is my “june year’s resolution” to work on that!

Posted in work | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

“Employees Must Wash Hands” Sign. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 12, 2008

Why do restaurant toilets always display this sign? What kind of filthy employees work there that the owners have to remind them to wash their hands after taking a piss? Rather than reassure me, that sign just makes me want to get the hell out of there and stay away from these unhygienic animals. If they don’t even wash their hands without reminders, they certainly dont brush after lunch. Not ultimate at all.

Luckily, the US Government has a step-by-step guide to washing hands in case your employees are filthy AND stupid.

 

Posted in Food, work | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Sending a bitchy email to the person you’re bitching about rather than your friend

Posted by stranana on June 10, 2008

Not Ultimate.  This happened to a friend of mine at work today. The person that got the email (and who the email was about) actually phoned my friend and told them to check their sent items. Awkward! My friend was pretty worked up about it at lunch. I definitely would not advise doing this.

Posted in work | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »