Totally Ultimate – The Blog About All Things Ultimate

Being Ultimate is Not Easy. We Help You Figure that Shit Out

Crazy marked-up prices in pretentious clubs. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

This past Friday, as we were winding down our night at this club, a friend was looking for some non-alcoholic beverage. I offered to get her some water from the bar (as we all know, being a gentleman is definitely ultimate). The bar-tender opens a small bottle of Evian mineral water in front of me and says “that’ll be 20 bucks”. What’s up with that? There is probably enough water in there to fill one decent glass and they are going to jack-up the price like that? Not Ultimate.


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Areas with free Wi-Fi hot spots. Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

I usually get my best “out-of-box” thinking done when I’m away from the cubicle in a relaxed and chilled-out area. So, big kudos to cafés and parks that offer free wi-fi to allow for that. Get my best writing done that way.

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Having no work-life balance. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

So, it has taken me this long to start contributing to this ultimate site and that’s because work has been absolutely crazy this past week. But, I have nobody else to blame, but myself. No matter how crazy situations get, there should always be time for things that chill you down. Having no work-life balance is definitely not ultimate. It is my “june year’s resolution” to work on that!

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Being Able to Solve the Rubik’s Cube. Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 13, 2008

There are two caveats here:

1) You must be able to solve it under a minute. Spending hours playing around with a Rubik’s cube will not only scare away the girlies, but its totally not ultimate.

2) If you don’t do it under a minute, you must do it blind folded, under three minutes. Like this chap here. Despite his appearance, he is unquestionably ultimate.

Posted in Experimentation, Girlies, Sports | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Having discussions. So Ultimate.

Posted by stranana on June 12, 2008

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Walking at a fast pace through the hustle and bustle without breaking your stride. Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 12, 2008

Such ultimate spatial awareness.

Posted in Sports, Travel | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

When you are so quick on the ATM you finish before the person that was already on the machine next to you when you got there. Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 12, 2008

Conversely – Slow people are not ultimate

Posted in Sports | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

“Employees Must Wash Hands” Sign. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 12, 2008

Why do restaurant toilets always display this sign? What kind of filthy employees work there that the owners have to remind them to wash their hands after taking a piss? Rather than reassure me, that sign just makes me want to get the hell out of there and stay away from these unhygienic animals. If they don’t even wash their hands without reminders, they certainly dont brush after lunch. Not ultimate at all.

Luckily, the US Government has a step-by-step guide to washing hands in case your employees are filthy AND stupid.


Posted in Food, work | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

When your girl calls you Ultimus Prime

Posted by Alex on June 12, 2008

Optimus Prime is so ultimate – Ultimus Prime would probably be an even more ultimate version, and when you’re girlfriend starts calling you that know you’re on to something.


Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »


Posted by Alex on June 12, 2008

George Clooney is always banging on about them. Tasty, quick, full bodied treat with a caffeine boost. The Nespresso machine will soon replace the water cooler as the social hub of the office.


They are even ultimate-looking shop-bar hybrids which are, quite pretentiously, referred to as Nespresso Boutiques.


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Brushing your teeth after your lunch hour

Posted by Alex on June 12, 2008

Not only is staying fresh ultimate, but anything that contributes to your gentleman status is also ultimate.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

R2D2 Projector. Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008

Despite The Phatom Menace, Star Wars is still ultimate and owning the R2D2 tv projector and dvd/cd player with audio line-in is also.

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Coca Cola. Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 11, 2008

Ultimate people drink Coke. Your friend making a big fuss about your choice of restaurant not serving Coke Zero? Not Ultimate. WTF is Coke Zero anyway? And diet Coke? Drink a herbal tea or something instead. For the real man, there’s only one option: full-fat Coke. That’s ultimate.

Posted in Food | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Seeing “The nuts” coming out on the table in poker. Ultimate.

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008

The odds against you seeing something similar to this while playing texas hold’em are around 60’000 to 1.  If you see this you are either extremely luck or have played a lot of poker and it was statistically bound to happen once.  Either way you are pretty ultimate.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Hosting a game of poker. Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008


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Having “the nuts” in a game of poker and seeing a guy all in. Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008

Not only are you ultimate for playing poker and not only are you ultimate for knowing you can’t be beaten in this hand but you are so casually ultimate that you’ve managed to convince another player it’s worth going all in.  You call the raise and take the pot.  Ultimate.

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Automatic Updates pop up functionality in Windows. Not Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008

Restart Now? Who would do such a thing? You’ve just logged on to do something on t’interweb and this stupid message pops up hassling you from going about your normal business. “Oh yes please restart my computer mr message dude and make me wait a while whilst you reboot MY laptop. OR maybe I’ll just shut you up and restart when I’m ready… like when I’ve finished what I’m doing!”. Restart Now? Are you paranoid? Restart now = not ultimate.

Furthermore once you’ve decided to do the ultimate thing and not restart, five minutes later the message reappears! Irritatingly Not Ultimate. Having to repeat yourself is not ultimate at all. There are so many things not ultimate about this automatic updates message. Sort it out Steve Ballmer!

Posted in Technology | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Buying Shots for Everyone at the Bar. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 11, 2008

This one seems ultimate at first. You’re drunk, having a great time with all your friends. How can things get better? By yelling ‘Let’s do shots!’ and then promptly ordering 15 shots of Jager of course! You’re on top of the world, your friends love you, and you feel like the man. But then you get the bill: 100 dollars. You hand it over, do the shots, and then everybody goes about their business. The excitement dies down as quickly as it started. Suddenly its not so ultimate afterall. And you feel like an idiot for wasting hundred bucks. Not ultimate.

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Being good at the capital game. Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 11, 2008

Ultimate. You would think this might fall in to the not-ultimate category because the capital game is in itself quite nerdy. But when you’re sitting around the pub playing the capital game (as so often happens), there is always a smartass who throws out the challenge: What’s the capital of Burkino Faso?

If this happens, just yell back ‘Ouagadougou!’ and you will own the room. Your mastery of the capital game will never again be challenged. Ultimate.

Posted in Regional | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Being able to fit exactly 3 pints into a regulation (regular) size Frisbee

Posted by stranana on June 10, 2008

Ultimate. You wouldn’t think it’s possible until you try it. Make sure the Frisbee is on a flat surface and when you get to the top poor slowly and the surface tension over the large area holds it all in. You then need a straw or two to drink it.

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