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Posts Tagged ‘Not Ultimate’

Having Sex with Twins. Not Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 24, 2008

You find a really hot girl that wants you to bang her… what could be better?  How about two hot girls?  How  about two hot girls that look identical?

This all sounds really hot but is actually another one of those  wolves in sheep’s clothing and is so often passed off wrongly as being ultimate (mainly by plebs).  The reality of this one is they are sisters.  INBREEDING IS NOT ULTIMATE, ergo Having Sex with Twins is Not Ultimate

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Posted in Experimentation, Girlies, Lifestyle | Tagged: , , | 12 Comments »

Guys singing to girlie songs in clubs. Not Ultimate.

Posted by skribble5 on June 21, 2008

Singing along to “dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me … ” should really be left to the females. At multiple occasions in clubs, we’ve seen guys singing along to “dont cha”, “my humps”, and “holla back girl” and thinking that they are the coolest. News flash: Not Ultimate.

To be fair to them, they all do have very catchy beats and there is nothing wrong with dancing along to them with your people (I do it), but lets control the urges to lip-sync.

Posted in Girlies, Lifestyle, Music | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Netball. Not ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 18, 2008

These costumes wouldn’t look out of place in the PURPLE COBRAS dressing room.

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Over-use of management and corporate jargon. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

Most of us reading this entry have, at one point of another, used buzz-words like “action items”, “best practices”, “fire drill”, “hot fix”, and “potential show stopper” at work. Such terminology is a normal part of the corporate culture and its absolutely fine if used occasionally and in small doses. However it’s the over-use of this jargon which can get pretty annoying and is definitely not ultimate.

I got exposed to this during my first week of work when a colleague who was working on a presentation told me that “we would like to leverage you as an audience” and I was like “so, what you’re saying is that you just want me to listen to your presentation?” Why use so many complicated words to say such a simple thing? Leverage me as an audience?

Michael Flocker gave a great example in his book “Death by Powerpoint”. It goes: “I’ll circle back with you on that after I speak with my colleague who has been very proactive regarding deliverables related to that initiative.” Translation: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Posted in work | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Biking shorts and related spandex. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 15, 2008

Biking is fine. Wearing spandex is not. Unless you’re Lance Armstrong and have overcome cancer to win 5 Tour De France titles, you should not dabble in spandex. What’s funny is most bikers wear full biking outfits because they think they look quite serious. Hasn’t anyone ever told them they look ridiculous? Not ultimate. At all.

Someone get this guy some regular shorts and a t-shirt:

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Crazy marked-up prices in pretentious clubs. Not Ultimate

Posted by skribble5 on June 15, 2008

This past Friday, as we were winding down our night at this club, a friend was looking for some non-alcoholic beverage. I offered to get her some water from the bar (as we all know, being a gentleman is definitely ultimate). The bar-tender opens a small bottle of Evian mineral water in front of me and says “that’ll be 20 bucks”. What’s up with that? There is probably enough water in there to fill one decent glass and they are going to jack-up the price like that? Not Ultimate.

Posted in Lifestyle, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

“Employees Must Wash Hands” Sign. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 12, 2008

Why do restaurant toilets always display this sign? What kind of filthy employees work there that the owners have to remind them to wash their hands after taking a piss? Rather than reassure me, that sign just makes me want to get the hell out of there and stay away from these unhygienic animals. If they don’t even wash their hands without reminders, they certainly dont brush after lunch. Not ultimate at all.

Luckily, the US Government has a step-by-step guide to washing hands in case your employees are filthy AND stupid.

 

Posted in Food, work | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Automatic Updates pop up functionality in Windows. Not Ultimate

Posted by stranana on June 11, 2008

Restart Now? Who would do such a thing? You’ve just logged on to do something on t’interweb and this stupid message pops up hassling you from going about your normal business. “Oh yes please restart my computer mr message dude and make me wait a while whilst you reboot MY laptop. OR maybe I’ll just shut you up and restart when I’m ready… like when I’ve finished what I’m doing!”. Restart Now? Are you paranoid? Restart now = not ultimate.

Furthermore once you’ve decided to do the ultimate thing and not restart, five minutes later the message reappears! Irritatingly Not Ultimate. Having to repeat yourself is not ultimate at all. There are so many things not ultimate about this automatic updates message. Sort it out Steve Ballmer!

Posted in Technology | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Buying Shots for Everyone at the Bar. Not Ultimate.

Posted by totallyultimate on June 11, 2008

This one seems ultimate at first. You’re drunk, having a great time with all your friends. How can things get better? By yelling ‘Let’s do shots!’ and then promptly ordering 15 shots of Jager of course! You’re on top of the world, your friends love you, and you feel like the man. But then you get the bill: 100 dollars. You hand it over, do the shots, and then everybody goes about their business. The excitement dies down as quickly as it started. Suddenly its not so ultimate afterall. And you feel like an idiot for wasting hundred bucks. Not ultimate.

Posted in Alcohol | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

This blog spot not having voting buttons yet

Posted by stranana on June 10, 2008

NOT ULTIMATE. Sort it out someone!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

Sending a bitchy email to the person you’re bitching about rather than your friend

Posted by stranana on June 10, 2008

Not Ultimate.  This happened to a friend of mine at work today. The person that got the email (and who the email was about) actually phoned my friend and told them to check their sent items. Awkward! My friend was pretty worked up about it at lunch. I definitely would not advise doing this.

Posted in work | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Riding a Vespa

Posted by totallyultimate on June 10, 2008

Generally not ultimate. Everyone knows you are a poser. Unless you happen to be in Rome, and you are Italian, and you have an Italian model riding with you. Then it’s pretty ultimate

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Posted in Girlies, Regional | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Dropping a Frisbee

Posted by Alex on June 10, 2008

Not only is Frisbee a totally-not-ultimate sport, but dropping a frisbee can never look ultimate – no matter who it is who drops it or picks it up. Even the most ultimate person you can think of would not look ultimate anymore if they had to pick up a frisbee!

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Domain names ending with .net

Posted by totallyultimate on June 10, 2008

Not ultimate at all. What does that even mean? Dot network? Dot netball? Dot netherlands? Come to think of it, all domain names not ending with .com are definately NOT ULTIMATE.

Here is a picture of two people playing netball. If you don’t want to be like them, do NOT register a domain name ending in .NET!

Posted in Sports, Technology | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »